Whether you are already married or about to be married, you can grow closer by discussing the following questions. Togehter, you’ll reflect on the present, reflect on the past, and dream about the future.

Reflect on the Present

Share about your partner: (These are from John Gottman’s “love map” questions and really important. Learn why.)

  • Name your partner’s two closest friends.
  • What was your partner wearing when you first met?
  • Name one of your partner’s hobbies.
  • What stresses your partner right now?
  • Describe in detail what your partner did today or yesterday.
  • What is your partner’s fondest unrealized dream?
  • What is one of your partner’s greatest fears or disaster scenarios?
  • What is my favorite way to spend an evening?
  • What is one of your partner’s favorite ways to be soothed? Name a person your partner dislikes.
  • What is your partner’s ideal job?
  • What medical problems does your partner worry about?

Share about your relationship right now:

  • How much time do you spend together? How do you spend your time together?
  • What is going well in your relationship right now?
  • Describe one of your favorite times together.
  • How has this relationship brought challenges for you personally?
  • What concerns you about your relationship right now or in the future?

Reflect on the Past

  • Are you willing to be open about the past?
  • What questions do you have about your partner’s past?
  • If you’ve been together a while, what has worked well in your relationship in the past? What didn’t?
  • What worked well in your parents’ marriage? What didn’t? What about in the household?
  • What worked well in your past relationships? What didn’t? What about the household?

Dream about the Future

  • What are your personal goals for the future? What do you hope to accomplish, do, see, experience, become?
  • Why do you want to get married?
  • When do you want to get married? How sure are you that you want to get married right now?
  • Who supports your marrying each other? Who doesn’t?
  • How will your marriage affect your other relationships in life?
  • What benefits do you think/hope will come from your marriage?

Wrapping up

  • What was a challenging moment for you during this discussion?
  • What did was something you learned about what your partner values?
  • What was something valuable about this conversation for you?